i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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