Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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