Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
