I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
