You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
