I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
