Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
do herpes really smell.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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