So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
