i can't believe i had my finger in that
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
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Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
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She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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