my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
