I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
