We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
