I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
