if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
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I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
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Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize