I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
