If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
