I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
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There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
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I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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