I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
