If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
