I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
