How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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