youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
His hands were made for my vagina.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
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