you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She bit a glass in half.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
