pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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