Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
