You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
