Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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