i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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