I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
