barbara walters just said penis...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
