Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
