so explain again why im purple
no
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
