I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
