How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
