my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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