Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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