More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
