my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
