Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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