I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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