So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
