Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
