It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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