so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
