My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
