Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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