I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
