Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
