New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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