How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
