do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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