no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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