is wine microwaveable?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
