I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
