oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
