Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
