2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
