Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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