Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
