Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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