I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like getting head from an anaconda
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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