Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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