i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
