My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
