You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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