I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just forgot I was standing up.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
