Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Send help, water and tortillas.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
