I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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