I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
