I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
