Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
