You're earring is so big in my mouth
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
