turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
