Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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