Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
A bitchslap is in order.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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