This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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